Every Halloween, little girls all over the country choose costumes that reflect what they want to be when they grow up. And each year we see many girls choosing to dress as princesses and fairies, kitty cats, and maybe the odd superhero. Rarely do we see young girls dressing as executives, scientists, or world leaders.
It can seem benign enough, but it does beg the question: are young girls still under the impression their choices in life are limited? And what can parents, particularly mothers, do to set a good example?
The Importance of Role Models
If you are a runner, you probably know that for most of human history, no one was able to run the 4-minute mile. In 1940, someone got to 4:01, and for nine years that is where the record stayed, with not one runner in the entire world being able to break it.
It seemed to everyone that the human body, no matter how fit and trained, would never be able to break that record. But then on May 6, 1954, Roger Bannister broke the 4-minute barrier, running the distance in 3:59.4.
And then a very interesting thing happened: barely a year after this feat, someone else ran a mile in under 4 minutes, and then more runners did it, and then even more. Now it’s common practice for runners to run the mile in under 4 minutes.
Role models show others what is possible.
Humans tend to not attempt things unless they believe they can be accomplished.
Our children learn from watching us. They learn how to think, act, and feel about themselves and the world around them by watching the adults around them… especially their parents.
Here are some ways mothers can set a strong female role model for their daughters:
Body Image
Mothers need to encourage their daughters to be healthy and strong, and not to obsess over outward beauty. It’s not enough to talk the talk – actions can be much stronger than words. This means, as a mom, demonstrating taking care of your body and health and accepting the lovely body you have (regardless of how it compares to what you see in social media, tv, or movies). And being mindful of what you say out loud (or perhaps act out) about your own body.
Boundaries
Unless they are shown otherwise, young girls may grow up assuming they must constantly please others and never say no. Moms, it’s important to show your daughters that setting boundaries is healthy and necessary. You do this by setting your own healthy boundaries. Remember our actions can be (and often are) much stronger and louder than our words.
Self-Care
Women are inundated with the message that taking care of ourselves is something negative. We’re taught that saying “no” to something, or taking a break, or taking some time for yourself, etc. is not an okay thing to do. This messaging becomes even bigger and louder for moms. Most women would quickly say they’d never say these same messages to their own daughters. Yet – they demonstrate these messages every day in their own actions and behaviors. This also applies to mothers of sons… what are you demonstrating to your son about how a woman should take care of herself? So, change the messaging you are demonstrating to your children. A healthy woman takes care of herself – AND, when a woman is healthy she can care for and show up for those she loves in a MUCH better way.
Confidence
Confidence comes from a mindset that failure and mistakes are merely chances to learn. It also comes from knowing strengths and abilities as well as limitations. In other words, confidence is a byproduct of knowing and accepting our true selves.
If you’re struggling in being the role model you’d like to be you’re not alone. Working with a licensed therapist can be super helpful in getting you unstuck and on a path to being the person you’d like to be. Call us today to start the change. We can help.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/thinking-about-kids/201205/i-could-do-why-role-models-matter
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beauty-sick/201705/gift-mothers-daughters
