You probably remember a time in school or out shopping when you wanted to ask for help, but stopped yourself.  There may have even been times someone offered to assist you and you declined it.  Even though you really did need the assistance.

It can be even more difficult to ask for aid when you’re going through difficult times.  Feeling overwhelmed with work or home life, or struggling with some tough stuff doesn’t have to be done alone.  You can ask for help.

Why Is It Hard to Ask for What I Need?

If you look back to your past, you might see where the roots formed that made it more difficult for you to ask for assistance.  Your parents might have made you learn to figure things out on your own, then give you great praise when you did. As a child, you may have been met with resistance or anger when you reached out for help. Maybe you had a parent who modeled the “do it yourself” attitude, always refusing to ask for any kind of assistance. These early formative experiences can leave you with the impression that saying you need assistance is a deficiency.  It may be difficult to ask for any kind of aid because it feels like surrendering control, or that you might owe that person something.  Or, because you feel like it’s a sign of weakness.

Ways to get the help you need

If you have difficulty asking for help, you may have learned some less-than-optimal coping mechanisms over the years. You might try to make someone feel guilty or feel sorry for you. Or in your haste, you may ask the person more likely to say “yes” than the person that’s best suited to actually be helpful.   So, how do you go about asking for and getting the help you need? Here are a couple of tips:

  • Be Specific: To ask for help, it’s best to be straightforward. Know in advance exactly what you need, and be specific with your request.  Believe it or not, people really appreciate knowing exactly what it is you’re asking them to do for you.  And, the more specific you are, the more likely you are to get your need fully taken care of.
  • Go to the Source: Instead of going to people who are easy to talk to, or people who are more likely to help you, seek help from the person, or source that can actually provide you with what you need.
  • Offer an Exchange: It may be easier to ask for help if you offer something in return. For example, if you need someone to pick up your child at daycare so you can work late, offer a playdate in return.

If you are having trouble juggling work and home life? Or you’re struggling to deal with some tough emotions and need some support a licensed therapist can help. Reach out to us today and we’ll get you matched up with the therapist that will be best for you.

Here are a few resources:

https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-management