Did you know that 93% of communication has absolutely nothing to do with the words that come out of your mouth?  55% of communication is body language, 38% is tone, pitch and volume and only 7% is your actual choice of words.

So many couples report that they struggle with communication.  Between work, the kids, chores, bills and church we can find ourselves exhausted and falling into bed completely spent at the end of the day.  We know that we need to make time to talk to our spouse and “foster the relationship” (whatever that means).  We console ourselves with the occasional date night—dinner and a movie and, if we do it right, dinner while we’re watching the movie.  Coming up with something creative and constructive to help you feel connected as a couple can sometimes feel like a daunting task.

When you start to feel frazzled and disconnected, try this simple exercise:  stand or sit facing one another.  We use the kitchen and stand on either side of the island. Now, have a conversation using only your thoughts and body language—no spoken words allowed!  Really look at one another.  Smile, frown, look serious or not so much.  Let your facial expressions and body language express what you are thinking and feeling on the inside.  Try this for 5-10 minutes at a time.  Yes, it might feel strange at first and have your kids rolling their eyes and announcing, “Don’t go in the kitchen!  Mom and Dad are being weird again!”  But when you practice this form of communication regularly with your spouse you will begin to feel a stronger connection that will move outside of the kitchen, into other aspects of your life.

As you build on body language over words, you will likely find that words will come easier and more frequently, and sometimes those struggles with communication become a thing of the past.  Connectedness is an essential part of a happy, fulfilling marriage.  And sometimes that connectedness comes when you say nothing at all.

Written By:  Sharon Guzman, MA, NCC, LPC

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