Guest Post from retired police sergeant, Joel Pridgeon

Internet safety is a topic I’ve taught since 2005 along with my duties as a former child abuse investigator.

In the early days, I found myself stressing over keeping my presentations up to date with hazards involving the latest social media platforms and software. Then it was video games and phone apps. Now it’s practically anything including business applications and professional service websites. It can be overwhelming to think about, but keeping the information simple is the key not only to keeping children safe online, but to the parent feeling confident in doing so. Please keep in mind that while this article focuses on the potential risks and can seem like I’m saying the Internet is bad, I frequently remind parents that the Internet is easily one of the greatest tools human beings have constructed and, when used properly, can unlock the greatest potential in children.

When I was introduced to investigations of Internet exploitation of children, the first thing that astonished me was how big the problem was and how big it can be for one child.

The very first thing a parent needs to understand when discussing Internet safety is the Internet is global, that it is accessible by billions of people worldwide, and a person talking to a child can be around the globe or around the corner, each with equal access.

Second, a parent needs to understand a child doesn’t just face bullying and embarrassment online. Kidnapping, sexual assault, human trafficking, and child pornography production are all cases I’ve worked in the past, and there are hundreds of cops just like me that have worked the same. The risk increases as the child explores more deeply not just the Internet, but themselves, causing increased exposure to suspects and personal psychological trauma.

So what do we do about this? The Internet is truly everywhere; blocking your child from it is virtually impossible and will hinder the growth of your child in modern society. Schools don’t just utilize it, they have entire classes and programs that make Internet usage mandatory, and the prominence of this has jumped with the current pandemic. Phones have it, game consoles require it, and even most standard automobiles have some sort of wifi access. The only weapon parents have against Internet misuse and exploitation is vigilance, and this is where parents get frustrated. Monitoring your child’s activities online can be exhausting, especially if you think you suddenly have to beef up your presence on Facebook, take coding classes, and learn to play the latest video games.

The concept of vigilance, however, is not that complicated.

I noticed after I’d give a safety presentation, parents would keep coming up to me and asking about a specific game or program. While the titles of the programs were all different, they shared a common denominator: access. When considering if a device or program can be hazardous, a parent must first ask if it gives their child access to other people. Certainly any social media does because that’s the point of it. Many video games not only rely on multiplayer platforms to enhance the game experience, but the programs to utilize the games also come with options for personal contact (Playstation Network, Steam, etc). The frustration can mount because once you think you’ve learned what you need, your child then starts using a different program or playing a different game and you may feel like you have to start over, but you don’t have to restart your thinking.

Vigilance begins with a single question posed to your child: What’s that? As a parent, you have to talk to your child to learn what they’re using and how it’s used.

Ask your child frequently what they’re doing on their phone or laptop and ask them to show you. If it’s a social media app or website, then the parent should make a profile in the same program and learn how it’s used. If it’s a game, research the game via a search engine (Google, Bing) and learn about interpersonal communication (voice or text chat). Following that, the child must be monitored. Watch while your child uses the program and learn who they’re talking to and what the potential is for other contacts. I’ve been criticized in the past by parents telling me their child has a right to privacy and that’s fine, but remember that you’re not going to know what’s going on until you take steps to look at the screen yourself. You’re not spying on your child or even hindering their freedom. You’re protecting them and that’s well within your duties as a parent. Why would you not want to watch your child knowing that plenty of people already are?

I’m frequently asked for a breakdown of rules to have in a household and these are the simplest ones I’ve told parents to try:

  1. All computers, phones, and portable devices are accessible to the parent. There will be no passwords or protected profiles that a parent cannot access. A parent can check the device at any time.
  2. All chats, texts, private messages, and other communication will be checked by the parent. No deletions or “in private” functions will take place.
  3. Cameras and webcams will be disabled unless used for school work (you’ll have to learn how to switch them off or disable them) or approved by the parent. Likewise, absolutely no photos or video will be received unless for school work or approved by a parent.
  4. No electronic devices in the bedroom or bathroom.
  5. Absolutely no private conversations with strangers will take place in any format.

It sounds like I’ve simplified something that is a global issue and I have to some extent, but what’s been inconceivable to me is the fact that so many parents won’t take the first step in getting involved, whether due to intimidation by the topic or they’re afraid to counter their own child. Security softwares can only do so much if you don’t know and understand exactly what your child is doing online, and they do even less when you’re not willing to turn them on. There are resources for further assistance on how to talk to your kids and establish the rules in your household as well as steps you can take to increase security:

Netsmartz 
This is the premiere website for child safety online from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC). They stay relevant with constant updates including cloud safety and gaming and have a series of easy-to-learn videos for parents and schools.

Kim Komando has been an advocate for computer knowledge and safety since the 1990s and has become one of the top experts in her field. Great resources for adults as well as children.

Yahoo! has always had a good, quick, go-to website for resources and basic safety tips.

There are many, many more websites with wonderful advice. Just type “Internet safety for kids” in your search engine and find the advice that best suits your family. I implore you to at least have the courage to set boundaries with your child regarding Internet usage and digital devices. Far too many victims I worked with had parents that never checked on their child because they felt it was their right to privacy or some other conflict. The hazards online are real and no child is immune, but it’s also not beneficial to your child to shelter them from the Internet entirely. Watch your child, learn from them, talk to them, and incorporate the Internet into your household and grow with it. Be careful, you may just become the cool parent that knows everything about the Internet.

Joel Pridgeon is a retired police sergeant who spent 12.5 of his 24 years of service investigating crimes against children, predominantly Internet and media crimes. He served 2 years as a deputy federal agent on a federal child exploitation task force, has presented at the Dallas Crimes Against Children Conference, helped write legislation for the Texas “Sexting” law, TXPC 43.261, and has testified as an expert witness of child pornography in 299th DC.