When we enter into a relationship, we do so trusting the other person has our best interests at heart. Sadly, many people can eventually find themselves in an abusive relationship, and they may not realize it until they’re in deep. The abuse can be emotional, verbal, and/or physical.
Abusers come in all colors, shapes, and sizes, and from all cultures and religious backgrounds. They can also be male or female. And while you may think someone capable of violence must have a criminal background, studies have found that 90% of abusers do not have criminal backgrounds.
Domestic Abuse Red Flags
Domestic abuse often starts with small “not right” behaviors, and it can be difficult to notice the signs at first. Especially if your partner says, “I love you” and does nice things for you on occasion.
Here are some signs you may be in a dangerous situation:
Jealous Tendencies
Extremely possessive partners are known to become violent. If they are calling you constantly and monitoring your daily schedule, this is a red flag. The jealousy can start small, and make you think “Wow, he/she really is into me (or does love me)”. The jealousy can also be over you spending time with anyone, not just someone that could be a potential love interest (i.e. friends, family, your kids). It can also be over you spending more time or giving more energy to something other than them (i.e. a hobby, work, etc.)
Controlling
You must ask permission to do things. They control the money in the relationship. They want to have all your log-ins and the ability to check what’s on your phone. They may insist on you keeping your locator on on your phone so they know where you are at any point in time. They may expect you to answer their call or text immediately, regardless of what else you are doing, where you are, or what time it is.
Unrealistic Expectations
You are expected to look, be and act perfectly. His or her needs must be met happily and without a miss.
Isolation
Your partner tries to keep you away from friends and family. Those you do see are accused of being “trouble makers” and painting your partner in a bad light.
Hypersensitivity
Abusers are often hypersensitive and have their feelings easily hurt. This can instantly make them angry so they lash out. If their feelings are hurt they blame you. Sometimes, they will say they are hurt because you are hurt (i.e. sad, mad, etc because of something they’ve said or done), and they quickly turn everything back around to them and make it your responsibility to make them feel better.
Verbal Abuse
You are constantly being criticized. They will call you names and say terrible things. They may belittle you. In these moments, you sense they are getting pleasure out of causing you pain, or they receive some level of satisfaction from it.
Abuse is Never Okay
To reiterate, abuse can start slowly and you may not realize it’s even abuse until it’s been going on for a while. Abuse can also quickly escalate and become much bigger over time (i.e. the abuse has been mostly emotional, and now it’s starting to also become physical). Not all verbal or emotional abuse includes or escalates to include physical abuse. And, abuse is abuse regardless of the form it’s taking. No form of abuse or disrespect in a relationship is ever okay.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, it is very important to get some help. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 for immediate help.
If you think you are in an abusive relationship, or you have been one in the past, it may be helpful to speak with a professional counselor to help you navigate how you are feeling and develop coping strategies so you can get yourself well and move on from your current situation.
Reach out to us today to get started with your healing.
SOURCES:
- https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/signs-domestic-violence
- https://domesticviolence.org/domestic-abuse-signs/
- https://www.ncadv.org/signs-of-abuse
